Attack of the Arts Administrators

This post is prompted by the District of Tofino’s Request for Proposals for a “cultural scan” (on tofino.ca, the 3-page PDF downloads from this link). Scanning the document itself, i am struck by how little it has to do with actual art. In fact, the thing is pure 200-proof bureaucracy in its wording and its thought process, and as such is 180 degrees opposed to art. I suppose i’m not saying it shouldn’t be done; presumably the district’s bureaucratic mill needs it. I am saying nobody should even begin to confuse it with making or advancing art.

There are so many big, shiny trucks parked on Tofino’s First Street dock these days, you can barely see the NO PARKING ON DOCK sign.

Of course, you still have to ignore that first sign as you drive onto the dock.

 

Ralphies set to roll

In a desperate move to stem a tsunami of criticism spewing from the local blogosphere, Tofino council carved a sizable chunk out of the district budget to create a special public works team to handle sudden emergencies, major or minor, as they arise around town.

The elite team was created after a consultant’s report recommended drastic action to mitigate citizen unrest in Tofino. The new squad, informally known as the Rolling Ralphies, will take its direction not from council or district staff but directly from the many so-called “bitch blogs” focusing on Tofino and the staggering incompetence of its administration.

As soon as an issue crops up on any blog, the Rolling Ralphies will leap into action — filling potholes, relocating street signs, installing parking meters, ripping out parking meters, razing or restoring the firehall, and any other task as directed by the bloggers-that-be and their hordes of anonymous commenters. “Nothing will be too big, too small, too significant or too inconsequential for us,” stated self-appointed RR leader Flex Byron, now gathering team members for an upcoming organization session at the luxurious Tigh-Na-Mara Resort in Parksville.

Council heaved a collective sigh of relief when the team was created. “We’re tired of taking the heat,” one councillor complained. “We do the best we can, putting in countless hours at meetings and soliciting input, and then we get hammered by a bunch of people who apparently never leave their computers long enough to come to a public consultation. Fine: we’ll just let the bloggers run the whole show.”

Reaction from the blogs so far has been along the usual lines. “Probably some sweetheart developer bought out council so he can have his way with the town just by starting some blogs,” one poster said. Another opined, “Those boneheads hate development so much they just opted out of any decision-making for the town’s good.”

Another councillor, who also declined to be named for fear of blogospheric repercussions, said: “Sure, let’s turn the whole damn town over to a bunch of knee-jerk yahoos fixated on one pet project, with no inkling of how any one issue relates to the hundred other issues, and zero grasp of budgets, planning or the complexities of balancing conflicting interests.”

The Rolling Ralphies should hit Tofino streets early next year, after a three-month training session at the Kona Hilton in Hawaii.

List life

I can’t resist picking up little bits of paper with writing on them. Being a compulsive list-jotter myself, I just have to know what people consider significant enough to commit to paper. Usually it’s disappointing, but occasionally i happen upon a gem.

As a teen, i spent a year living with my grandmother in Winnipeg. I sometimes used to write messages on bits of paper and drop them strategically on downtown sidewalks, sometimes with a phone number, to see if anybody would call back. They never did. I would have.

This intriguing list at right i just picked up on the sidewalk by the Co-op parking lot. I like the “big undies — LOL,” and have to wonder why the “beach scene” photo got cut in half.

I was on the way to the office, incidentally, to check my email to see what time tonight’s party started. Turns out the party isn’t for two weeks — something i’d have known if i’d listed it in my daybook.

I’ve had lists on the brain for the last week or so, one in particular: Elizabeth Kübler-Ross’s famous “five stages of grief,” from her 1969 book, On Death and Dying. Thing is, at any given time i can never remember more than three items on the damn list. So for posterity’s sake, here it is, courtesy of the Wikipedia page:

1. Denial – “I feel fine.”; “This can’t be happening, not to me.”
2. Anger – “Why me? It’s not fair!”; “How can this happen to me?”; “Who is to blame?”
3. Bargaining – “Just let me live to see my children graduate.”; “I’ll do anything for a few more years.”; “I will give my life savings if…”
4. Depression – “I’m so sad, why bother with anything?”; “I’m going to die… What’s the point?”; “I miss my loved one, why go on?”
5. Acceptance – “It’s going to be okay.”; “I can’t fight it, I may as well prepare for it.

Seems to me that list applies to much more in life than just terminal illness. A few things come to mind.

1. Most life changes, big or small
2. Many relationships
3. Finding accommodation in Tofino

Tiny house = affordable house

Given Tofino’s longtime agonizing over our affordable housing crisis — played out for years as summer staffing shortages, now escalating to the threat of school closure — it’s interesting that tiny houses have not been looked at as part of the solution.

As far as i know, there’s a minimum square footage requirement on habitations in the district. (Can anybody confirm that?) Which, combined with the price of land on the West Coast, pretty much guarantees that truly affordable housing cannot be achieved within the free market paradigm. Hence the resulting contortions of the Tofino Housing Corporation, now five years and some $300,000 into its mandate (per this Westerly News article), with groundbreaking for the first units now set to start early in 2010.

I see it as a “rung” effect: For an affordable-housing strategy to be effective, you can’t just build a handful of units and fill them up, because then everything comes to a stop and the affordable housing issues reappear. Affordable housing has to be seen as the introductory rung on the accommodation ladder. The idea is that, once people have built up some equity in the affordable house, they can use that to move up to market housing, thereby freeing up their affordable unit to enable others to hop onto the ladder.

But with entry-level market condos starting at $265,000, and houses at $349,000 (figures from realtor.ca), it seems that most Tofitians — with a 2006 median income of $22,696, per the community facts page from BC Stats — will find even the lowest of existing rungs out of reach.

I’m not being critical here, just pointing out that the system the THC is working within does not lend itself to quick solutions. It does lend itself to ghettoized affordable housing, clumped  together in one area, and not spread out through the village (which strikes me as a superior approach).

Tiny houses have evolved into a well developed field of  design, and can be eminently liveable for one or two people. There are a slew of websites devoted to the subject. One of the best is TinyHouseDesign.com. From that site, here are the free plans for an 8′ x 16′ Tiny Solar House (4.9 Meg PDF download) — a 128-square-foot gem that (the plans say) could be built for $4-8,000 US. That would go a long way toward getting some people, at least, off the money-pit of renting and onto the escalator of ownership.

More sites: TheTinyLife.com …  SmallLivingJournal.com …